have you seen the many articles circulating on facebook about things you should do in your twenties, or why getting married in your twenties is a mistake…etc etc etc? they are all over facebook and i’m going to debunk a few today so i’ve warned you. if you don’t want to hear how great marriage is then this post is not for you:) i’m not writing this as to say that those who are in their twenties and are not married are living wrong, just to defend my decision to get married at 20 and share my thoughts on the matter. some of the bold points below are from here and here.
1. “enjoy your freedom.” am i to assume being married is suddenly prison with a statement like that? in my experience marriage has given me more freedom as an individual than single life ever did. marriage is about trust and i fully trust my husband, as does he trust me, to make good decisions. being an adult can be stressful, financially tough, and full of decisions. why not have someone by your side to help you through it? i have the freedom to be myself at all times. i can be me 24/7 and not have to be someone i am not to land a date. i don’t have to play any games or send a text at the right time with the right thing to say. i’d say that’s freedom.
2. “travel the world.” i am all for this one! i wish i had money to burn traveling. it doesn’t sound like any fun taking an amazing vacation without someone you love. i’d rather travel the world with my spouse and enjoy the lay on the beach with some company. i guess you could argue i should have traveled with girlfriends. yes would have been a blast but not as amazing as it is with my husband. its your best friend and lover all in one.
3. “the best part of your day is often the moment when you can come home and just be totally alone to do what you want.” i giggled when i saw that one. i HATED coming home to an empty house to just be alone. my favorite part of the day is coming home to carson, sharing the daily news, and cuddling up for a movie after dinner. i get a lot of alone time when carson is working and like i mentioned in point #1 lots of freedom to do as i please on my days off.
4. “career” on carson’s side of the spectrum i am very grateful he is pushing himself to follow his career. that means security for us. now maybe i just married one of the good ones but he is supportive enough to let me pursue mine as well. again it goes back to trust. we’ve lived apart now and again to allow one of us to succeed and we trust each other to make those decisions. we are at a stage where we can move anywhere for jobs and it makes work easier when you know you have a support system at home. i am highly career driven (we all know that) and who knows where my career would be if i wasn’t married but i have a feeling it would be close to what it is know. marriage has never held me back. i have my moments when sometimes i envision where my life would be if i wasn’t married and following a career path but the path looks almost the same. at 18 i put myself out there and auditioned like crazy. i worked hard and worked a few professional jobs before marriage. since then ive still worked professional jobs (donny and marie), traveled, auditioned, and taught at numerous studios. carson is my support system and i need that in this crazy business i’m in. i need the balance of a normal life with a husband, who is not a dancer, to keep me away from the selfish lifestyle that being a dancer can create. balance. if i had my ideal career staring me in the face and on the other hand my husband, i would choose my husband no doubt. happiness is not always success. its a happy marriage filled with patience, support, and love.
5. “date like crazy” i wasn’t the girl that had a ton of boyfriends in high school or even after high school. i thought i wouldn’t get married till my thirties but i was swept up way before then. i can’t speak for all, but i HATED the dating game. i hated being expected to say all the right things, wear the cutest clothes, and send the perfect text. some could argue i didn’t know my type, or wasn’t experienced enough. i’m not sure what experience prepares you for marriage but dating lots of people sure doesn’t. you may find out what you do and don’t like about someone which is helpful but the lack of commitment in just dating isn’t the same as marriage commitment. luckily for me, my spouse had the qualities i loved and since then we have been learning as we go about marriage. we dated our share of others before we went exclusive and i’ve never looked back. never once wished i had dated more people in my twenties.
6. “you are still working on what it means to really love your friends, and family, and show them the kind of affection that they merit in your life. you aren’t really sure how to do this with someone romantically just yet, and you know that you have other relationships to work on first.”wait….your in your twenties and haven’t figured out how to love your family and friends yet? thats an issue in itself. i think i’ll stop there with that one:) love isn’t something that just happens. its continuos and its always growing. i love carson more now than when i married him and still close to family members and friends.
7. you can’t even take care of a plant, to be honest. marriage is much better than a plant 🙂 and another human can take care of themselves: )
8. “explore your sexual life”. you all know i am a mormon and firmly believe sex should only be shared between married partners. its a special bond and we only share that together. not to mention the safety aspect of it all. never once have i worried about STD’s or anything of the sort. neither of us had past partners and therefore no judgement ever:)
9. “if one of my friends decided to get married in their early twenties I would say wait because, in this day and age, we mature a lot later than our parents did.” i have to disagree with that statement. i don’t know where the proof is that my parents were more mature than i was at this age. it’s a choice to take responsibility, be independent, and take care of yourself. i may not be having children like my mother at this age but i’m still just as mature and making adult decisions. there is a difference between maturity and choosing to be irresponsible.
10. “say goodbye to financial freedom” carson and i have separate jobs and careers but we share an account. we are in this thing together for the long haul and supporting each other. i find it a lot less stressful to share that financial burden with someone and deal with insurance, bills, rent, the whole 9 yards. carson and i are fully aware of future expense of children and the responsibility that will be, but we are going to take that journey when it comes.
this specific post is about my experience and why i made the decision to get married. i wasn’t looking to get married at the time but life happened and carson swept me off my feet. carson was the best thing that happened to me at that point in my life and i wasn’t ready for him to walk out of it. ZERO doubt about him and why wait for the happiest time of my life? marriage has made me the happiest i’ve ever been and regardless of age i wasn’t going to wait for that. every one has their own experience and different situations. we didn’t get married on a whim, we had know each other as friends for awhile before dating but once we got serious i knew he was the man i wanted to spend eternity with. that is never gonna change. not two years from now not ever. the commitment of marriage is real and many shy away from that. i jumped (full well knowing what i was doing) feet first and never looked back. its not always rainbows and unicorns of course
we (more like i) have our moments but we are a team. it’s not “till death do us part” for us. its eternity and i would get married at 20 all over again.