dp friday…lets get real about what’s holding me back

as i shared on monday, i am now an employee of Lululemon athletica and am currently in training.  i have come to realize some pretty awesome stuff about myself the last few days.  don’t worry i am not going to share everything i learned but i am going to share everything i learned pertaining to dance and myself. (all photos below are previous dance jobs with some pretty awesome people)

where to start? well let’s start with the fact that i am 22 yrs old, currently living in minnesota, teaching, working, and being a housewife.  sounds pretty normal and maybe a little boring. and sometimes it is.  a huge part of me has been struggling with the fact i am not doing anything “incredibly cool” with dance right now. lots of tears, conversations with friends, and long days.  what defines incredibly cool.  i have no idea.  all i know is that until tuesday i did not realize how poorly i have been leading my life.  i am not a product of circumstance i am a product of choice.  it is up to me to take responsibility for a number of things.  first, it is MY fault that i feel less of a dancer right now, not the fact that we live in mn. second, get my butt in class and third find purpose in my life as it is happening now. not what i want to be happening in the future or comparing to what i was doing in my past. i have been very fortunate to be apart of some great dance performing jobs up until now. i am not “just a dance teacher” or “just a stay at home wife (someday mom)”.   i am a dance teacher.  i am a wife. and i am important.  who decides i am important? i do.

i have many faults, we all do.  one that i realized i need to change is declaring what i “think” i am not good at.  its easier for people to know my weaknesses than for them to see me fail right? wrong.  once i walk into a dance studio and declare i am “old and rusty”, unflexible, or not good at something, that puts it into my students mind and the universe therefore closing off any possibility of growth and power.  suddenly i am coasting and not allowing myself to get better.  that is just a downward spiral i don’t want to be apart of…i am guilty of what i like to call the social media complex.  sometimes i find myself down and depressed while stalking someone’s “awesome” life on instagram or facebook.  in reality that person is never gonna post their unflattering pictures or the hard part of their lives.  its easy to compare our worst to someones best.  for example: i have a difficult time seeing pictures or updates about dancers performing or touring.  silly i know.  i am easily jealous of their success and opportunity to be on stage and i am then no longer present in my life.  comparing myself to others does not provide a healthy place to grow and learn.

body image.  i have struggled with this for years as a dancer and have not come close to mastering it.  it all stems from not feeling solid in my skin and reacting negatively to fead back. i let that nasty way of thinking govern my life for a long time and its taking me even longer to get it under control.  when i stare at a mirror i automatically declare to myself what i think looks bad in my twisted perception of what is good. this post is not a “feel bad for me” its a declaration of change.  i am putting it out there and its time to set goals and reach them. there is so much happiness, progress, and success out there and i am excited to find that.  i have got to start treating myself with more respect and realize my potential.

kind of a heavy post but hopefully this affirmation of sorts will help me! i mainly want my students, past and present, to read this and realize how awesome they are. yes success does not come easy and takes work, but opening the possibility of success is exciting.  I WILL work my butt off to get there with every positive thought i can muster.  all this negative stuff is slowing me down and doesn’t need to come along for the ride. so cheers to change, love, happiness, and growth.

and of course cheers to friday.  i love fridays

xoxo

jessie ann