Let me start todays’ post by warning you it will be a little bit deeper than usual. I hesitate to write these posts but I think it will be very beneficial to me and hopefully some of my readers.
Six months ago, I decided to change the way I eat and turn my relationship with food around. I had a distorted image of what I should be eating and what was considered “healthy”. I was sucked into “diet” foods like diet coke and sugar free this and that. I didn’t have the knowledge of how dangerous those foods are for my body, like I do now. My diet consisted of way to many protein bars, and weight loss diet fads and even some ridiculous metabolism boosting bills (not that those are terrible, just the ones I was using weren’t the best). I spent way to much time at the gym, and cried to many times about my body. It came to the point that I knew I needed to change. I was now married and didn’t need to drag that burden into our marriage. I got my hands on the book Eat To Live and it changed my life. I completley switched my way of eating and gave up counting calories and stressing over numbers.
I felt better about my body and I knew I was treating my body right. I began to focus more on a plant based lifestyle and avoid meats and processed foods. This new adventure was exciting and I lived it really well for the first little while but somehow those old thoughts found their way back. I began to stress about foods that were in no way bad, just different than what I was focusing on (i.e. a couple of crackers) and found myself falling into bad old habits. I was gravitating to foods I knew didn’t make me feel good to fill my guilt and then repeat the process all over again. Remember when I say bad foods I mean things like a handful of tortilla chips and salsa, grabbing a couple of Carson’s gobstopers, eating too many sweet potato chips, and turning to the stash of chocolate chips. These types of food aren’t terrible, not the best, but not terrible. Because I had switched my diet to such a healthy way, when these foods snuck in, it terrified me all over again.
Sometimes scales are our worst enemy’s…A scale just reads a number instead of health or muscle mass. I know genetics have a big part of body composition and I have an athletic body type so I will never be stick skinny. I DO NOT want to be stick skinny and unhealthy. I want to be FIT, HEALTHY, AND HAPPY. The question is getting my head to agree with me and accept the amazing gift of good health that I have. Carson always reminds me that I grew up in a world of dancers who have abnormal body types. I grew up comparing and competing with other girls with a huge variety of body types and I need to be more appreciative of the body I have. Find balance, and peace with what god has given me and treat it with respect. Feed it right with foods it needs and will eventually crave. My goal is to strive for real foods, not out of a bag or box, and find that balance again. The holidays will be so tough but I think I can take a good challenge and use this time to define myself. Hopefully find good life habits to stick to a never sink to those lows again.
It all comes down to patience. It’s so easy to get down on myself for my “slip ups” but I need to find that balance where I don’t let it affect me and continue with life. It’s all mental for me and I think that will be the biggest accomplishment when I beat it!
Thanks for letting me rant about this tough subject today. I’d love to hear your story and any thing else you’d like to share!