I’m not sure I ever really fell out of love with working out, but when the doc informed me I had to stop working out for a few months due to my health it took me sometime to get back into it once I got the go ahead. I’ve struggled for years trying to get down to my goal weight and shed many a tear standing on the scale. I literally have done it all. 12 weeks challenges, crossfit, hot yoga, HIIT, elliptical, bare method, at home workouts…literally everything. I even eat pretty dang well too. I enjoy a good salad and love my veggies. So why do I struggle loosing a few lbs? Its all in the head I think. Poor Carson has had the same conversation with me over and over again, and i’ve spent way to much time obsessing over myself and missing out on a lot of good around me. I am sure that Carson and I living apart didn’t help too much and added to the crazy amounts of stress I was dealing with. I strongly advice that couples avoid that:) Carson and I have been arguing about running for so long and my cute sister finally motivated me to give it a try. So I did. Hated every second. But I made myself run at least 3-4 miles a few times a week ( sounds pathetic when I write it) and it was a good sweat but no real changes at first. Once I made it to minnesota I kept it up and slowly started to see small changes. Most importantly I was happy. I fell back in love with working out and I wasn’t obsessing over every thing that entered my mouth, healthy or not. I don’t think I can really say that running is the answer. I am positive it is a combination of the work I did with my doctor over the past 7 months, finally living with carson, and working out again. So I’m sure I could be writing the same thing if I took up crossfit again or back to yoga but it’s exciting to feel accomplished about starting to enjoy something new. Like I said, hated the idea of running for so long its exciting to begin to enjoy it.
Now to the real topic of this post. I don’t believe that having a scale in the home is a need but carson bought one to help us get a discount on health insurance. Something to do with tracking his weight for a discount:) so I stepped on the scale and of course its never what you want to see. But instead of tears, it was a realization that I no longer have to live in fear of what I think I weigh. Now its just common knowledge and I do get a little excited when the number goes down a few but it no longer runs my life. I don’t know what changed for me other than I was happy, working out, and loving what I saw in the mirror. (no not everytime I looked in the mirror, I am still a woman and do compare myself to others too much) but I was excited to take pictures and be in pictures. If you know me you know I hate pictures because it often determined how I felt about myself that day. Lame….I know…we can thank the dance world for my messed up brain:) I do feel like a litle bit of a hypocrite writing this because believe me I have my days and I am not shouting to the world my weight. I am the first person to change 5 times before feeling great but I am getting there!
I hope to shout that if I have a little girl later down the road I can help her navigate this world which seems to be shouting constantly how important image is. Especially with social media at the touch of a button. We all know that everyone only posts the “best” and thats all we see. When in reality they have bad hair days, dramatic moments, and unflattering outfits too! Not to mention whats all over media with celebraties. I won’t even talk about the mess Miley is and the example that sets. the worlds is making it tough for women (that may be a broad statement so maybe I am just refereing to me) to love themselves. It’s a work in progress but the first step is to not let a silly number on a scale ruin your day. If it does, ditch the scale for a bit and bring it back out when you are feeling more stable. It is not an easy task and I always give carson a hard time for literally having 0% body fat and eating what he wants, but we can’t all be perfect I guess:) I can only hope my kids get those smashing genetics and speedy metabolism! He’s a cutie so I’m not worried how my kids will turn out.
wow that was quite the rant. thank you for reading! hopefully I’m not alone in this and others feel this way too! happy hump day all!